Tragedy in the U.S. - 11 Sept 2001 |
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| On behalf of all of the
consultants at MoreThanSolutions, I would like to express my deepest sadness
at the horrific events that unfolded in the U.S. on 11 Sept 2001.
On this page you will find information that I hope may be of help to some in dealing with this tragedy. I will continue to update this site with information that may assist people in dealing with the tragedy (i.e., not news - for that I would refer you to www.cbc.ca or www.cnn.com). Please feel free to send additions for the site to info@MoreThanSolutions.com Trevor Murdock, Consultant Manager, MoreThanSolutions.com |
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How to talk to your kids about the terrorist attacks:These suggestions were prepared by C&W's Department of Psychology to help parents (and staff!) communicate with children about Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in the U.S. Remember, you know your children best and you are the best judge of what they can cope with, and what works best for them. * Safety: Children need to know that they are safe. They can be reassured that all of the attacks happened far away from Victoria. It is important that you reassure them concretely that you are available if they are feeling frightened. The important thing is to reduce their feelings of helplessness. Reviewing the normal precautions you have with your children (for example, what to do when you're not home or in case of a fire or earthquake) may help to reassure them that there is something they can do. * Normalize children's feelings. It is okay and natural to feel frightened, angry, and confused. With young children, they may not understand what they are feeling and may just react with a generalized feeling of agitation (feeling "antsy" and unable to calm down). You may need to help them by asking some gentle questions and explaining what they may be feeling. You might demonstrate by telling them some of your feelings and how you are dealing with the stress or feelings in an age-appropriate way. * Your reaction: Part of what makes children upset is the reaction of their parents. It is often frightening for children to see their normally calm parents in tears, or showing other reactions such as rage, or shock. It is important to explain to children that you are not angry/upset with them, as children often misinterpret any parental reaction as being triggered by them. It also helps to explain in simple terms why you are feeling the way you are. However, be careful what you say - you do not want to frighten the children by making them think that something bad is about to happen to them. * Monitor: It is important to watch your children carefully to see how they are reacting. It is very normal and appropriate for them to be feeling anxious, angry, or scared for a few days. As with adults, children are likely to be in shock at first and it may take a few days before they show how frightened or upset they have been. Also, especially with younger children, they may misbehave, for example, by refusing to do what they are told. This may be their way of showing their fear. They may have nightmares, troubled sleep, or poor appetite. * TV: Because of the almost continuous television coverage of the attacks,
you need to monitor what your child is watching. (The continuous repetition
of the collapse of the World Trade Centre Towers, for example, can cause
your child to be traumatized and experience nightmares or other reactions
to these frightening images.). You know your child best. If you feel that
she/he is particularly sensitive to these kind of images, then you may
have to minimize the impact accordingly, (e.g. turn off the television
completely). With older, school-age children, you may need to sit with
them and discuss (explain) what * Misinformation: Information coming out is constantly changing and rumours develop rapidly. It is important to check with your children about what they have heard and understand about the disaster. Remember younger children, particularly those under the age of 6 or 7, often don't really understand what adults say. Make sure you ask not only what they heard or saw, but what they think that means. * Airplanes: For children needing to fly soon, or for children who know that their parents must travel soon, be honest but reassuring. That is, tell them that all of the airports and airlines are being extra careful and putting extra people/ security guards on their planes and everyone will be watching more carefully than ever before. If it's your child who must fly, judge their reaction carefully - if they seem genuinely terrified of going, don't force them or you may cause them even further fear. If they don't seem anxious, don't increase their anxiety by long discussions of what might happen. Get the child to bring books or toys, whatever would help them be distracted. It may even be possible to ask airlines to screen a children's film. * Who and Why: If your children are asking why did this happen, try to keep the answers simple and concrete and relevant for their age. For example: "There are some very bad people in the world who do bad things for different reasons. We don't always understand what those reasons are, but we do know that there are not very many of them, and the police and other people are working very hard to find these people and keep them from doing bad things." * Help: Children and adults can often feel better if there is something active they can do to help. For children, if they have friend or relatives in the U.S., you could suggest that they write to them or make a picture or small gift. You can also tell them that Vancouver or Canada is helping by letting planes that wanted to go to the United States land here so they will be safe. Also, children may feel better hearing of things like the fact that we are sending medical supplies, or finding places to stay for people whose planes ended up in Vancouver. These good actions may actually help the children and the victims feel that there are good people in the world after all, and they may eventually feel reassured once again. * Support: In times of crises some people feel better if they can meet with others for talk or support; others would rather be on their own. Check within your own local community to see if they are offering spiritual or group support. For example some places are offering prayer services or books of condolences. For some children it is very helpful to know that they are not alone and to see how others are coping with the situation. * Routine: Maintain your children's routine as this is a form of security for them. For example, if you don't usually watch TV at dinnertime, don't start now. However, for things like getting assignments done, you may need to give them a little extra time, as they could be distracted and have problems in concentrating. * Remember that at this time your children and family should be your priority. Children need to know that you are close and may need to be able to physically check where you are. You are your children's best sense of security and safety. Prayer from United Church of Canada: www.uccan.orgAs the cries of the bereaved rise across this continent, we turn, O
God, to you in shock.
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